CXI
by dee-thequeenbee
Summary: Drabbles of Regina. One per day, one per episode. One hundred words.
1. 101 - Pilot

_Victory_.

This is the word sculptured triumphantly in her head, when she enters in the nursery, lowering her hood. Her step-daughter is clinging to her Charming – what a beautiful vision, stains of blood splayed over his snow-white shirt. Magic tickles her skin, the electricity of the incoming storm, her supremacy.

She mocks Snow's desperation, a stab of anger when she is told that the child escaped. Oh, she'll take care of her. Her nemesis will die, she _will_ rule, savoring every instant of her happy ending.

The walls start to collapse; she stands in the midst of the cloud.

 _Victory_.


	2. 102 - The Thing You Love Most

_Henry_.

Who knew a name could mark a life so deeply.

Her son – and yes, no matter what Emma Swan thinks, he's _her_ son – her Henry, he doesn't see Mom anymore, he sees the Evil Queen.

 _Betrayal_.

She asks him of the missing pages, and he eludes her questions, muttering _You're not my mom_. She sees betrayal in his eyes, and another Henry has looked at her with the same wounded soul.

It appears she can't help but fail the men in her life – by lying, by killing, it doesn't matter.

She will always fail the things she loves most.


	3. 103 - Snow Falls

She tightens her grip on the phone – anger flaring abruptly in her heart – and stands still, thinking.

He's almost awake.

That damned woman stays with him a few minutes, and he grabs her hand. She knows this was going to happen, sooner or later.

He will _always_ find her, won't he?

A wicked grin spreads on her face, when the perfect solution flashes in her mind – like a satisfying wave of relief and power washing over her worries.

She bets that a certain honey-blonde princess is going to be thrilled to receive a call from Madam Mayor.

 _Poor little snowflake_.


	4. 104 - The Price of Gold

"People don't change, they only fool themselves into believing they can."

The bell jingles when she exits from Granny's, and she straightens invisible wrinkles of her smoky grey jacket, heels clicking on the floor.  
Worry eats at her, makes her stomach twist, because Miss Swan is right, she doesn't _know_ her –neither does she know what Emma wants around Henry.

But she is sure of one essential statement, one that she has repeated to herself in times of doubt.  
People don't change.

She didn't tell Emma the last part.

People don't change – or at least, not in a better version.


	5. 105 - That Still Small Voice

She wishes she had magic.

For the first time in twenty-eight years, she wishes she could be whisked away by an elegant, violet swirl, and appear down there, in the mine, hold Henry in her arms.

And maybe, later, when they are home, holding a nice cup of cocoa with cinnamon, scold him for putting himself in danger.

 _It's all my fault. It's my fault_.

If something happens to him, if something hurts him.

She wishes she had magic, but _magic_ is what put Henry in danger in the first place. Magic, and that book.

"Just bring him to me."


	6. 106 - The Shepherd

Well, it appears she is going to have a word with her doe-eyed step-daughter, after all.

"You don't belong together. He's not yours, he's taken, find somebody else."

She can't risk. She can't risk Mary Margaret destroying Kathryn's happiness. And if this leads to David's unhappiness? She won't complain at all. He played his part in her destruction, after all.

"I haven't done anything," Mary Margaret candidly says.

 _Oh, Snow, if only you knew_.

She has to hold herself back from laughing at her expense, because the girl really doesn't have a clue.

"Really?"

Revenge is so sweet, after all.


	7. 107 - The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

It's only after the Huntsman is gone from her chambers that she lets herself collapse again into the chaise longue, folding her silken, crimson dress aside, and she thinks.

Snow has to die, and that is a matter of fact.

She thinks on how the wretched girl has hugged her, near her husband's coffin – covered by red petals, red as the blood she wants to pour… there was trust, in that hug.

The same trust she has placed in her, and yet, she has spilt the secret, and now, she has to pay.

If the Huntsman fails, he'll pay too.


	8. 108 - Desperate Souls

Fire roars around her, and if she weren't so busy trying to free her leg from the fallen beam, she'd laugh at the irony – fire, the primal element of her power and magic, her strongest ally, is what is about to destroy her.

"Help me," she pleads, and she sees hesitation in Emma's eyes.

 _Why would she want to help you?_

Her self-loathing mocks her, but Emma is good, the incarnation of good, and the Savior, can't help but save, it's her destiny, it's been written in her blood – and now she hates Emma even more. Now, she's in debt.


	9. 109 - True North

The children are small, and quick on their feet. The children will manage to steal a simple apple from that witch.

She stretches in front of her mirror, spying on them, tries to suffocate the impending sense of guilt.

It's not hard. She _needs_ to destroy Snow.

What's the loss of two kids, when she has already slaughtered entire villages?

And yet, she can't shake off the gaze of the eldest – the girl. Her undying trust in her father. She wonders how it must be, to have trust in your parents' protection. She waits, setting her fire ready, and wonders.


	10. 110 - 7:15 AM

She watches, sitting in her car – as she has done many times before, but in front of a mirror – she watches as Mary Margaret kisses the hell out of her David, his hands pressed on the back of her jacket, her tremendous mint green hat popping in a splash of color.

 _I will always find you_.

She narrows her eyes, waiting for her imminent doom – but this time, the rainbow wave doesn't come.

 _True love's kiss can break any curse_.

Then she relaxes – she remembers an old, dusty page – Mary Margaret and David are both cursed, and it doesn't work.


	11. 111 - Fruit of the Poisonous Tree

It's all about to change.

She paces in her room – her prison – the royal blue dress pouring softly on the floor, and she waits.

No more greedy hands on her skin. No more indifference. No more desperate attempts to control her.  
The King took her diary – that's a shame, she could have used some tranquil moments, writing down her anxiety.

She hopes.

She prays the genie succeeds – she prays the poison is quick and lethal.  
They say poison is the women's weapon.  
The hatred for the King is hers. Her favorite poison.

Finally, the door bursts open.

Is she free?


	12. 112 - Skin Deep

Her thoughts are rhythmical, like drops falling ungraciously on the ground – four words again and again, until she can't take it anymore.

 _The Dark One loves_.

He has destroyed her, helped her to darken her soul and heart – she has had one comfort, until now: _nobody loves me, but nobody loves him as well_.

It's not true.

The girl, poor sweet girl, is excessively naïve, if she thinks he'll choose her instead of power.  
She'll use that. She'll use her naivety to rip him apart.  
Belle is just a casualty, in the bigger picture.

She's almost sorry for her, though.


	13. 113 - What Happened to Frederick

She opens the drawer, staring at Kathryn's letter next to the spray paint can – she feels so good, because the plan is in motion. It appears David has made his choice, and she can't let this happen.

Ruining Mary Margaret's car has been so satisfying – watching the red letters appear on the glass.

 _Tramp_.

She knows, deep down –David's marriage with Kathryn is a farce. She was there when he married Snow, she was _there_ , but this is Storybrooke, and she'll be damned before she lets them wreck this too.

And, well, even her friendship with Kathryn is a farce.


	14. 114 - Dreamy

She has never been a good actress. Nevertheless, when she pulls the door of the Sheriff's office, she fakes concern pretty well – never blinks, Emma can't possibly imagine she's blatantly lying.

"It's been twenty-four hours since my friend Kathryn went missing."

 _Friend_.

How many times has she repeated that word lately? Has she ever _had_ a friend in her life, apart from… Maleficent? Maybe, once, when she was a kid? But her mother has always prevented any attempt of bonding with other children…

Maybe Miss Swan's superpower doesn't work today.  
Or maybe Emma has never had a friend, as well.


	15. 115 - Red Handed

She storms in the hospital, faking concern for that stupid prince, and – _obviously_ – Emma Swan is already there.

 _How can this woman always get in the way?_

David's forehead has a red mark, and he's worried, worried he could be the killer, as if he was smart enough… he wouldn't even know from where to start with.

She stares at them, father and daughter, she sees some thin resemblance – thank the gods Emma doesn't have black hair or blue eyes… she spies something of Snow in the way she raises her eyebrows…

 _Right – Kathryn._

"Some _people_ haven't found her yet."


	16. 116 - Heart of Darkness

This makes it to the list of the best moments she has ever lived.

Mary Margaret – Snow – stays there, questioned by Emma, a hint of innocent surprise on her gracious features. As if she didn't do anything wrong.

 _Oh, you have, my dear, you just don't remember_.

She leans on to take her hand – plays, fakes kindness. "I know what it's like to lose someone you love, to be publicly humiliated. Put me in a very dark place. Changed me."

 _And it was your fault_.

The best part is… she has almost won. She can almost taste her complete triumph…


	17. 117 - Hat Trick

"Daddy!"

Her voice cries relief – and what a show it must be for Jefferson, to see the great and terrible Evil Queen throwing herself to hug the frail old man they have just rescued. But then, relief doesn't last, for she must be quick, now.

She sees fury and pain on the Hatter's face – _Grace_ , she thinks. Leaves Daddy's arm for a moment, turns.

"You were right, Jefferson. You don't abandon family."

One last glance – and the watery surface of the portal trembles at their passage. Guilt roars from a corner of her mind. _I'm sorry, Grace_.

Guilt sedates quickly.


	18. 118 - The Stable Boy

She hates this dress.

It's heavy, thick, the fabric encrusted with useless diamonds – she craves her flimsy gowns, her sky-blue jacket, she craves Daniel's hands – loosening her braid, gently, during that blissful afternoon when they were lying together in a meadow, between poppies and wildflowers…

This wedding dress is a cruel joke, for she feels like a widow. A widow of hope.

 _I will never love again. Never will I condemn someone to love me._

She hates this dress, it's artificial, false, _white_.  
Why should _white_ be the color for purity – when that girl has his blood on her hands?


	19. 119 - The Return

They are going to frame her. After all her struggles, after all the manipulations and careful plans and continuous pain – Snow will get away with it, _as always_ –

She faces the Imp, like an ancient sea goddess, too wild to be tamed again by his silky and disgusting spider web.

"Why did you do it?" she spits at his face, but he doesn't flinch.  
"Well, you are a smart woman, your Majesty. Figure it out."

And this is it. Not once has she stopped thinking of _why_ , did he need the curse? Was there a bigger plan, between his hands?


	20. 120 - The Stranger

In midst of all the tangle of lies she tells David – elegant, wine-smelling lies, but lies nonetheless – she can almost see the scene, finding him out cold, lying down on the roadside…

She doesn't know how she has arrived to such lengths – he's _Prince Charming_ , for heavens' sake, she's tried to kill him countless times – she saved his life once…

"It was almost like the universe wanted you to find me."

She holds her breath at that, and for a split second she allows herself to believe him, she leans on – but his instinct kicks in, he is Snow's, always.


	21. 121 - An Apple as Red as Blood

It all remained so similar – and yet it's so different. The first feeling her heart catches – it's the smell, untouched and earthy, after all those years.  
Ground covered of straw, the stables where Daniel died haven't changed – _she_ has, now she is no more the scared, powerless, _weak_ young girl – now she is the almighty sorceress, the merciless, _evil_ ruler…

Her ring turns endlessly, as she remembers that night.

Snow's voice.

She turns, Snow lifts her hands.

Folding the purple gown, she is every bit the queen – and yet she's not…  
Almost tired – she wants to end this.

"Follow me."


	22. 122 - A Land Without Magic

Heart beats fast, like a little caged bird, because she's in panic, and in a hurry, as she runs through Main Street – until reality hits, and she slows down, just as she reaches her house.

Images are twisting inside of her – Henry, and shut-down hospital screens, Emma's hair hiding her face as she wakes him –

"I do love you," she's told him.

 _I've almost killed you.  
Oh, Henry, forgive me. _

Before she realizes, she's pressing her face into his blue pillow, soaking it, as she waits for them to come and make her pay.

 _He's alive. He'll never forgive me_.


	23. 201 - Broken

She has never cared much for her soul.

She knows her heart is black, black beyond redemption, so she has always supposed as easy to predict that her soul will follow the same path, deep down in Hell.  
But now, the prospect of losing it? Terrifies her.

A soul-sucker.

Starting to hope again is always been dangerous – just as she was resigning herself to a life in jail, maybe seeing Henry every now and then…

She doesn't want this. She doesn't want her soul wiped away in an inky vortex.

But at least, Henry will be safe.  
Even from her.


	24. 202 - We Are Both

Henry looks at her, distrustful, and she sees herself, reflected in his eyes.

"I don't want to be you."

A memory – a ghost – bashes her mind, she was younger, her mother's heartless smile, _Rumplestiltskin, I summon thee_ , and she told Cora those exact words.  
"Mama, I want to be free."

What kind of mother is she?  
Purple magic flares, an overdose of power – Cora's blood makes her twist in disgust, _hard to believe you're from the same family_ , and yet, she chained her son to misery.

 _You look just like her._

Not this time, Imp.

"I want to redeem myself."


	25. 203 - Lady of the Lake

Relief and warmth. She focuses on those feelings as she pushes eagerly the door of the diner – the bell jingles merrily above her head. It's a good day.

 _Henry – Henry called – Henry doesn't hate me_.

Her eyes dart towards his favorite bench – she expects his welcoming smile, hazel eyes and a steaming cup of chocolate.

He's not there.

The sensation that comes next, she knows it all too well – it's hope crumbling under reality, a constant in her life. _Oh, Henry_.

She tries, asks Granny, _Have you seen my son today?_ , but Granny shakes her head.

She dials David's number.


	26. 204 - The Crocodile

The door of her vault creaks, when she enters. The usual, calming smell of darkness, candles and dust, a fond touch of her fingers pressing on her father's coffin, and the lilies she put there last week have to be replaced.

She pushes the stone to free the underground stairs, and begins.

Her spell books are still there – her hearts, her potions, but this time she wants to do this right, this time, she's being good. It tastes weird, being _good_.

This night, she'll search in every book, because her son wants his other mother back.

She'll find a way.


	27. 205 - The Doctor

She held on to two simple concepts, during her kingdom – hate for Snow, love for Daniel, because everything outside of these concepts… just hurt.

Today, she's lost – she's floundering, trying to breathe.

The pain is too fresh, the guilt for using magic on him, _but you ended his pain_ , and all she sees is the Doctor shaking his head under a thunderstorm, hearts beating slowly, Henry was in danger – _again_ – and she had to turn her lover into dust –

 _Let me go._

– But I love you –

 _Then love again_.

Her hand lingers above her heart, but she leaves it inside.


	28. 206 - Tallahassee

Magic, sometimes, hurts.

Not using magic, hurts even more.

Since the purple haze has faded, her apples have healed – blooming, crimson spheres, perfect once again – she's feeling strong. Magic _demands_ to be used, pushes through her veins. Twenty-eight years without it, and now it's a physical ache, she wants it, she wants to let the fire out, she _craves_ it.

She made a promise.

Archie can't understand – she doesn't think even Rumple could – she's of her own kind, fire and smoke and thunders and electricity and blazes.

She keeps it at bay, quietly, fighting the urge of release. _For Henry_.


	29. 207 - Child of the Moon

_How many times will this happen again?_

She watches as Gold fiddles with his magical tools, and wonders if this will ever end, this constant of her life – hurting the people she loves most, with her mistakes, with her past actions, with her darkness.

She feels the burn on Henry's hand, like it is on her own – _all because of me, because I wanted to end the Savior, and now he has nightmares_. _Oh, Henry, I'm sorry_.

She wonders if she'll ever stop asking for Henry's forgiveness. _If someone has to suffer, it should be me. Not Henry._

 _I'm sorry_.


	30. 208 - Into the Deep

Cora is everywhere, today.  
She's in the way she pours dust in a vial – she used to spy on her, when she was a little girl, not older than Henry –

She's in Rumple's worried eyes.  
Everywhere.  
She's in her magic. In the dark reflections of her hair when she passes by a mirror.

David falls asleep, and he will dream of fire and despair.

She finds herself standing around Henry with a ferocious, instinctive, _increased_ protectiveness.

She finds herself hoping, even if it's against her own rules. Even if she knows David can't wake up – not without a physical kiss.


	31. 209 - Queen of Hearts

She's leaning on a tree, completely drained by magic, Emma is clinging to Henry – and she doesn't know if she's just relieved that it wasn't Cora, through the well, or actually _happy_ they're alive – Henry is smiling…

"Your mom, she's… a piece of work, you know?"

Images come all together – she's in blue velvet, enlisting Hook to kill her – she's twelve, forced to stand still by her magic – she's in black, placing a red rose in her coffin – she's eighteen, and Daniel dies – she's also five, Mother brushes her hair –

Takes a breath, chases away the pain.

"Indeed I do."


	32. 210 - The Cricket Game

Right before her death, she remembers herself making one last wish.

 _Another chance_.

The arrows have frozen in mid-air – Snow screaming _Stop!_ – and she was still alive.

 _Show them you can change_ , Daddy said, and she's failed – she tried to kill Snow _again_ , because it was too tempting to resist.

She's used to be blamed for her crimes.  
She's _not_ used to carry the guilt for a crime she hasn't committed.

 _Archie_.

Henry – and Daddy, have always believed in her, and she has failed them both.

Her son breaks down, embraces Emma, and she watches – nobody believes in her anymore.


	33. 211 - The Outsider

Her smile is of a huntress who has found her prey – that girl the Dark One loves – _can he love in the first place?_

"Still fighting for True Love… even till the bitter end!"

She mocks her, covering up the flickering sting of pain that trembles in her heart since forever – _True Love is for other people, Belle. Not for me, not for Rumple_.

"That monster is beyond saving. I'm sparing you a lifetime of pain and misery."

Belle screams, she won't give up.

 _Oh, dear, you have no idea of the extent of his darkness_. _Not like I do._


	34. 212 - In the Name of the Brother

Mother knows best.

Mother knows how to crawl under her skin, kiss away her fears, stroke her cheek and poison her mind. Mother also knows how to break her. How to restraint the flow of her feelings and how to channel it where she desires.

Mother is a void – a hole she's never been able to fill, because _love is weakness_.

She's six again, in her mother's arms.

"I want my son back."

Is she desperate enough to trust her?

There's a fraction of her heart – a red glimpse, probably – that says she can.  
Henry comes first, so she'll try.


	35. 213 - Tiny

She's good at this. Herself being herself.  
The Evil Queen is back, she muses, back at doing what she does best – hurting her enemies.

Red, familiar rage simmers in her heart since when she discovered Emma has taken Henry away. Away from her mother – away from _her_.

It's easier, without her son around.  
It's easier to ignore his voice – _I believe in you, you really have changed_ – it's easier to watch a giant grow, to hope he crushes David under his boots, because it will be one less obstacle for her – to Henry.

It's easier to fall in the vortex.


	36. 214 - Manhattan

The library is quiet as usual – she used to come here, during the curse, even if it was close and sealed – but now there's a feeling of discomfort that makes her skin itch.  
She trails a fingers on the book's covers – _think, think,_ – there's love in the way Belle has placed the volumes.

There's pain, too – loving the Dark One brings pain.

And her family _knows_ how to exploit pain.

"She must have hidden it in one of her beloved books."

Her mother's voice, next to her, is… proud?

 _Impressive_.

"Thank you, Mother."

She lets herself believe, for a moment.


	37. 215 - The Queen Is Dead

They stick with her, Snow's words.

 _She doesn't care about Henry.  
She doesn't care about you.  
Listen to me.  
Choose the right side – the side of good. _

She wonders if someday she'll be free from this torture – these _voices_ , they shatter her mind, light and darkness, Henry in the middle.

She releases the dart, towards where she knows it'll hurt Snow more.

"What would you _know_ about mothers?"

 _Your mother is dead.  
I've never been your mother, no matter how hard you tried to force me.  
You have never been a mother to your daughter. _

What would you know, Snow?


	38. 216 - The Miller's Daughter

"The choice is yours."

As she appears outside of Gold's shop, her hand is sweating – her heart is thundering, in sync with the heart she's holding carefully.

It's wrinkled, her mother's heart. Dark, but of a different darkness than hers. This darkness is queerly crowded in the middle – hers is a swirling twist-and-turn of black veins.

She can choose.

 _A loving mother, or a new Dark One?  
A new chance of family, or new destruction? _

The door slams open, and the encouraging, sweet voice – her son's voice – sings – _Mom, I believe in you_.

Today, yes, she will choose her family.


	39. 217 - Welcome To Storybrooke

Today, her world is black and red.

Black is the coat she has worn to mourn her mother, red is the rose she has placed on her coffin. A rose, placed oblique, and Gold has paid his respects with a second blossom.

Red is Snow's heart, pulsing in her hand.

Black is the little, growing spot that spreads in the middle.

 _Kill me, please_.

How many times has she waited for this moment? Snow offers her life, but she turns it down – red is the pumping of blood and adrenaline, thinking of _victory_.

Black is the taste of her tears.


	40. 218 - Selfless, Brave And True

"Contrary to what you might think… people _can_ just disappear."

Still holding the woven bracelet he has given her twenty-eight years ago, she makes her way through Granny's – ignores the customers, and walks outside, thinking of Owen.

Now he's Greg Mendell, and the whispering voices in her mind laugh like a sickening choir – recalling Graham, and those first days, and a deep hole – a _grave_ , in the woods.

Owen was a sweet boy, she has the proof in her hand, but Greg – he's searching, and he must leave before he discovers the truth.

Hunts like that, are always potentially dangerous.


	41. 219 - Lacey

The shock – when she learns who Henry's father is – she'll never forget it.

Henry has Rumple's blood.  
Henry was born from the man she cast the curse for.  
The lost boy Rumplestiltskin wanted to find.

She has always been nothing more than a pawn – she's well aware of it, starting from her childhood – born to _be_ _queen_ , born to _set the world ablaze_.

And now, her son is merrily playing sword-fight with his father. For a moment, she cherishes the sight – Henry has always been her little prince.

But then, the Evil Queen has work to do.

Lacey is born.


	42. 220 - The Evil Queen

_It is too late for her.  
I could never forgive her.  
There is no good in that woman. None.  
I was wrong.  
There never was. _

She watches the silent mass of bodies from atop the hill, as Snow White proclaims her final judgement.

 _This_ is the good that hope brings her. Every time she dares to try, hope is battered and thrashed.

There is no family, no forgiveness, no redemption, or another chance.  
There is only evil left, and evil has to keep her warm.

She slides into her dress, it adheres to her skin.

 _Long live the Evil Queen_.


	43. 221 - Second Star To The Right

_You-deserve-this_ , singsong the voices, in a childish lullaby.  
 _You-are-a-monster_ , _you-killed-his-father_ , _mon-ster_.

She can't help but shiver, cold or fear, she doesn't know.  
The smell of… fish? Sea? Tickles her nose, and she breathes slowly, in and out.

The last hours have been like this – pain. Pause. Pain. Pause. Pain again.

Pain obliterates everything. The energy runs through her body, and she doesn't have time to think, only to scream – _weak, weak_ , the voices mock her, one of them resembles horridly to her mother's.

During this torture, the worst moment isn't the moment of pain.

The worst, is the wait.

 _Weak_.


	44. 222 - And Straight On Til Morning

It takes courage, to be herself.

It takes tears, and memories, and one last hug from her son – and she puts out her hands, breathes, starts.

The black cuff Greg has put on her wrist has weakened her – his torture has weakened her body, but her magic feels now different. It's misplaced, out from its original position.

 _It takes time to heal_ , the fairy has said.

She doesn't _have_ time – Henry, she _has_ to save him – to save the town – one last heroic act from the Queen, and her hands tremble, for her power is flowing, one last desire, _enough_.


	45. 301 - The Heart Of The Truest Believer

_I'm a mother.  
And now I'm also your leader.  
So either help me get my son back, or get out of the way. _

The sand makes her heels sink – her steps are rhythmical, one, two, one, two, her head ducked, Emma's words bouncing in her mind.

 _I'm a mother, too_.

She sighs silently, following the others, and her heart clenches a bit more, because Henry is here, and he's with Tamara and Greg – Greg, she's still dizzy from his torture, and Henry is alone with them – and if – if… if something happens to him…

 _Henry, I'll find you, I swear._


	46. 302 - Lost Girl

_I can't leave my kingdom. Not with you.  
This is my kingdom. And I will fight for it_.

The smoke engulfs her – the swirl of the violet fog is always quick, just a glimpse for a normal person, but time expands and her thoughts slow down, letting her focus on her destination.

This time, Snow's words are – as usual – an annoying, painful refrain, _my kingdom_ , and she thinks of when she was Wilma and Snow saved her and people were ready to burn a mannequin, calling it with her name…

 _She has no heart_.

But they love that girl, instead.


	47. 303 - Quite a Common Fairy

She dreams of him, that night.

In the shadows of her sleepy mind, her nightgown glows of a pearl white light, and she oversteps the doorframe of the pub, she's courageous, she's _bold_ – she kisses him – and months later, they are running away, her revenge forgotten, only two horses and a bundle of clothes and some jewels stolen from the King's vault –

A remnant of that blissful feeling – an instant…

She wakes in Neverland, her blue jacket sweaty and sticky on her skin. A future that could have been, and never was.

She turns over, trying to sleep, and wonders.


	48. 304 - Nasty Habits

Neverland is a slow poison, infiltrates in her dreams, like a crawling plague, and her nightmares are more vivid than ever – reality melts with horror, and yet she doesn't scream.

Flashes of faces, voices, sentences. Dust.

Henry. _It might be too late_ _for him_.  
Neal. _A way home_.  
Emma. _Just a lost girl_.  
Her unknown, faceless soulmate. _You didn't just ruin your life. You've ruined his_.

Henry.

In her dream, Henry stabs her with an arrow, nightshade glimmering of viscous black.

She screams, that night.

Greg is dead, Tinkerbell says. She can't help but smile.  
She sleeps better, that night.


	49. 305 - Good Form

When Henry's face fades from the mirror – Emma is still clutching it in her hand – the glass goes black, and she knows why, the mirror twin must have been broken, is Henry okay?  
Has Pan found out that they are trying to reach him?  
Is her son currently being… punished… because they wanted to give him _hope_?

Emma lowers the mirror, she's smiling – Snow is smiling too – and she can't help but feel that twist of worry and fear that has become so familiar in the last days… she clenches her fist, and involuntarily squeezes lightly the heart she's holding.


	50. 306 - Ariel

_The only thing worse about telling your prince how you feel and rejecting you is –  
never telling him at all.  
Never knowing.  
Never even having a chance at true love. _

Ariel cries, the salty water of her tears mixes with the sea.  
Ariel swims away, a few spurts of foam jumping up against the dawn.

She stays there, and a crack of envy makes another fragment of her heart fall.  
Eyes on the ocean – but she doesn't see it.

Ariel was brave enough to try and go to her prince.

That night, at the tavern, she wasn't.

 _No second chances._


	51. 307 - Dark Hollow

"You really love her," the realization hits her.

"Is that jealousy?" Rumple bites back, and she scoffs a laugh.

"Of _Belle_?," she's almost incredulous. "I think _not_."

"No, no," he has that _look,_ he gets it when he wants to hurt her.  
"Of _having someone_."

It feels like an arrow, right in her chest, and his mocking smile stings like a never-healed wound.  
Old words, from an old life – stinky clothes and peasants around her, aiming at a dummy with her features.

 _You can't hit the Queen in her heart. 'Cause she ain't got one!_

Nobody could ever love her.


	52. 308 - Think Lovely Thoughts

_To the moon and back_.

She remembers of when her son was a toddler – she would tap his nose and say, _guess how much I love you? To the moon and back_ – _more than anything_.

Emma lifts her hands, and glances at her, but she's focusing. She'll have to guide the savior, address her still untamed magic, cast the spell – move the _moon_.

It's still weird, working with Emma. Her magic is so powerful, different, _pure_. It stings, like a cleaning acid liquid, it burns against her darkness, it hurts her.

But she has to move the moon, for Henry.


	53. 309 - Save Henry

He was so tiny, her son. So small. _  
_A flash of Henry, squeezing one of her fingers, chubby cheeks and toothless smile.

 _I'll love you forever.  
I'll put you above anything.  
Above my own life. _

This she had promised, but she has failed him. It took a heartbeat, back then, to decide and keep him with her, when they have given her the most precious gift of an entire life.

The lianas squeeze her against the tree.

"I should be overflowing with regret, but... I'm not."

And she's free.

"Because it got me my son."

 _Now, let's go save Henry_.


	54. 310 - The New Neverland

It's so weird, hugging Henry while he is harbored by Pan's body.

She knows, deep down – that's her baby, her son. But she has spent restless days of nightmares curled in a cot – _hating_ Pan, hating with all her heart and strength that spoiled kid who has dared to kidnap her prince.

But the fierce love of the arms around hers is all Henry's, is Henry who whispers _I love you_ in her ear, and somewhere inside of her… she finds she can forgive herself for thinking it was true, thinking he was really Henry.

Someday.

Today, she has failed.


	55. 311 - Going Home

_My gift to you is good memories. A good life for you… and Henry._

Good memories.

The Evil Queen shows up for a moment, _My gift to you is this happy, happy day_ , but she pushes her away, _not now_ , she has to focus. Rips the scroll, the green cloud approaches, her hands glow of purple sparks.

 _The first time he said Mom.  
His first smile, she was tickling his belly. _

_When he drew a red heart on a napkin.  
When he came to cuddle next to her, during a storm_.

She gives all of this to Emma.

 _Goodbye, Henry_.


	56. 312 - New York City Serenade

The first day is hell.

As soon as they arrive, she inhales the familiar, long-forgotten smell of rain and forest, and her heart clenches so painfully she thinks it's being crushed.  
It's beating so fast, almost in panic, like when you wake up in the morning, after a tragedy, and for a split second you can't remember what's wrong.

 _You're not a villain, you're my mom._

Her son has given her a last gift, his forgiveness, and now she's just a villain of a story – again.

The first day is a long march towards her eternal _sleep_ – towards her suicide.


	57. 313 - Witch Hunt

For all she knows about physics, her cup should take approximately half a second to touch the ground and shatter in pieces.

Time is relative, when you see the impossible.

Henry is right in front of her, sitting on a bench at Granny's, and time extends.

The moment she sees her son – the moment her fingers leave the cup – the moment when the noise of broken china reaches her ears – the moment Henry lifts his head – the moment her heart breaks.

He looks _right through her_.

She was expecting a scream, a smile, a hug.  
She gets a blank stare.


	58. 314 - The Tower

She stands next to Belle, in the Great Hall, and wonders if the universe will ever stop torturing her.

Her corset is tight, today. Today the weather is humid, her hair is up.

Today she had to check on Snow and her unborn baby, guilt gnawing at her – Snow's baby is in danger and she's the cause, again.

Today she had to plaster her face with a smile, when Roland asked about Henry.

Today Rapunzel has hugged her parents after years of separation, and she faked polite congratulations, dying inside – because she'll never get to do that, with her son.


	59. 315 - Quiet Minds

The wood of the tree is weirdly comforting under her hand, but she leaves it to get a step closer. Nobody knows she's there – at his camp, spying on him, and she knows she shouldn't, but she has to see.

 _You ruined his life_.

And yet, his son is running in his arms, and she can't help but feel jealousy.  
Jealousy, fear, and an endless chain of _what if_ s.

At least he gets to hug his son. She doesn't.

At least he doesn't know of the pixie dust.  
He didn't have to live for four decades with a _what if_.


	60. 316 - It's Not Easy Being Green

When she walks home, that night, she feels something is missing. Her heart is missing. There's relief, in her mind. She has won a battle, but the war is still long.

A sister.

Zelena is her sister. And her mother lied during all of her life. She thinks how different it would have been, growing up with her sister. Playing with her, instead of with her dolls. She wonders, but it doesn't hurt much, because her heart is in her soulmate's hands, now.

She wonders if he can feel her heart beating faster in his palm.

For now, she's alive.


	61. 317 - The Jolly Roger

_It's inside you, Emma.  
Save yourself_.

When the bridge collapses, she holds her breath – _no_ – and the seconds that follow are long. Eternal. The fake reality she has created stills for a moment, and she _hopes_ , she hopes so hard that her heart clenches. As Emma comes up from the precipice, she realizes.

Henry may not remember – she spends the evening with him, Rumple's old words swirling in her mind, _maybe one day they'll even invite you for dinner_ – he may not remember, but she has a family now. She has her son, and the two idiots, and also Emma.


	62. 318 - Bleeding Through

When her lips leave his, the air around them is immobile. Everything freezes for a second, their eyes locked. They exhale two simultaneous puffs of breath.

Images from her day – a burning candle, a ghost, _you don't take risks_ , Emma's blue blouse, green apples, _you feel things with your whole soul_ , his eyes darting towards Roland after he's given away her heart. Time travel. _Don't let anything hold you back_.

One instant.

An arrow across her chest, a realization.

 _I found you_.

And then, he goes crash their lips together again, and she forgets it all, and the fire crackles.


	63. 319 - A Curious Thing

She has always feared happiness.

Happiness has always brought pain – and hope, _hope_ is dangerous.

But she can't help to relish her joy, as she walks out of the boat warehouse. Henry, at her left, _finally_ , he remembers. She has his voice in her soul, from minutes ago, _Mom_.  
Oh, she has waited more than a year for that sound. She slips one arm under his, feels Robin's hand on her back.

Today, she has remembered it all.  
The curse, Snow's heart, David dying.

But today is a good day.

Zelena is still out there, but today she is happy.


	64. 320 - Kansas

They walk, to the barn.

She has Henry's word in her head, Henry's voice, Henry's courage.  
 _I do believe in you. Now you need to believe too._

Emma has her gun, walks next to the pirate, and she can tell she's worried – she feels guilty, too. David has his sword, clenches his fingers around the hilt.

Robin keeps glancing at her, to make sure she's _alright_ , but she's not.  
If the baby dies, if she fails, it will be her fault, again, it's all because of her, because her sister wants to end her…

Walks with her family, and hopes.


	65. 321 - Snow Drifts

When he puts back her heart, she sees stars.

The floor is harsh under her legs, but the carpet is gentler on her skin. Smell of fire and wine, and his eyes bright as she guides his hand towards the right spot.

It all comes back – pain for her sister – relief for Henry, for Snow's son, for winning – and that blooming _something_ for the man in front of her. All the hurt from her mother's secrets, the worry for her final battle.

 _Stronger than ever_.

Light magic is still so strange, goes under her skin.  
Like hope.

Peace, at last.


	66. 322 - There's No Place Like Home

It's strange, how the world can crumble with some well-placed words.

Hope of escaping, and then – _Mother!_  
And Daniel was dead on the ground, and she was kneeling there, too late.

Rescuing him, and – _You're not a villain, you're my mom.  
_ And she was without Henry for one year.

Replacing her heart back, and – _You would have been enough.  
_ And she was holding her mother's body.

At this point, she should know her happiness does never last.

It took one word, in this case.  
One, and her hope has gone, disappeared in smoke.

 _Maybe it's all about timing_ , and –

"Marian."


	67. 401 - A Tale Of Two Sisters

She doesn't know why she's sitting on the floor, dirtying her well-tailored iced-grey suit, but she is. Closed door, and she mourns her loss, even if it's silly, but then, she will always be the Evil Queen, and she doesn't deserve happiness.

She hears the sound of Emma's steps getting weaker, and lifts her head.

 _Happy ending_.

How mocking, these words are, because yes, she believed to be destined to unhappiness because of her sins, but in these days she has been a hero.

 _You'll never be enough_ , her darkness screams. _You always lose._

She gets up, full of rage.


	68. 402 - White Out

When she opens him the door, she lets out a breath. With all the pain she had to endure on those days, the heartbreak, the sensation of being crushed under a thousands of knives tasting like hopelessness, she has done what she does best. Hurting people.

She has pushed her son away, again.

And hearing him yell, that he wants his house and his room and he won't give up on her, oh, she has surrendered.

"Henry."

He looks at her, with the start of a smile.

"Mom."

She welcomes him in her arms. How did she get so lucky?


	69. 403 - Rocky Road

It's always fascinating, holding a heart in your hand. Control, power.

She could squeeze it, crush it, use it, but she won't. Because it's Henry's theory, that she needs to keep behaving like a hero, so she can convince the Author she's worthy of an happy ending.

She has missed those moments with Henry, alone with him at Granny's, and her son has started a new operation just for her. Warmth fills her chest, as she holds Marian's heart.

 _Crush it_ , says a voice – the same impish voice that told her to kill a unicorn, years ago.

Today, she resists.


	70. 404 - The Apprentice

She stays up all night.

There's an almost-frozen heart in a box next to her, and after two, in the middle of the night, he finds herself glancing at the box more and more often.

Henry comes when the birds start chirping; he brings her a coffee, opens a random book and reads with her. He tries to tell her things, things meant to cheer her up, but it doesn't work. _True Love's kiss didn't work because he still loves you_. Henry is so young, and has already seen more horrors than he should have.

She stays up another night.


	71. 405 - Breaking Glass

A friend.

Emma's words have caught her off guards, and she watches her exit the vault, surprise filling her heart.

A _friend_.

She has never had a friend. She was a lonely child. Kathryn was… a fake, magic-built relationship. Mal was fire and revenge and angry, forbidden love. Tinkerbell has tried.

But Emma… she's something new. She adds friend to the list of things Emma is – Henry's mother, her ally, her magic back-up, her sometimes-pain-in-the-ass… her _friend_.  
She scoffs a smile, because the easiness of that word makes her shiver. She has never had anything easily.

Well, she could try.


	72. 406 - Family Business

One day, this godforsaken town will be free of crazy villains.

She walks away from the ice cream truck, the Snow Queen's quiet words whispering in her mind. That woman has created more trouble in two days than the Evil Queen in one month. Oh, they need to defeat her, wake up Marian, find the Author, make her pay for…

 _I have faith in you._

Robin's voice battles with the darkness. Henry. _You can do it, mom._

"Nothing I do seems good enough."

 _Just kill her. Kill Marian, kill the Snow Queen, crush their…_

She walks towards her vault, again.


	73. 407 - The Snow Queen

At this point, she doesn't even know why she bothers to dress up. Who's going to see her anyway, if she spends days and nights in the vault? _Sense of duty, darling_ , her mother scolds.

She has started keeping some changes of dresses down there, some food, because she _won't_ give up, Henry has taught her not to. _Heroes don't give up_. And every morning she reignites the candles, and reads.

The dust swirls around her, and magic keeps her warm.

But tonight, she's coming apart in his arms, _finally_ , and she's somehow glad to have worn the red dress.


	74. 408 - Smash The Mirror

Hope is everywhere, today.

And she has a dreadful feeling, that it's not going to last, but she shakes it away. Today, it has been a ray of happiness between closed curtains. With all the emotions, she's still shivering – waking up after a blissful night, the panic for Henry, and giving a hope speech – she'd never thought she'd have to do that – and talking of grace and forgiveness, and finding a new page.

Maybe she's worthy of something.

In the meanwhile, she'll hold her breath, waiting for the storm.

The storm, she can manage.  
She was born in the storm.


	75. 409 - Fall

She has to admit, Elsa has got an exceptional inner strength.

Being rejected – by your _parents_ – for your magic, is… something she has never experienced, even with a conspicuous number of painful punishments from her mother. But magic, is a part of her, simple as that.

She feels a flicker of jealousy, when she thinks of Elsa's sister. She thinks of her sister, how Zelena has _hated_ her, nearly killed her son, nearly killed Snow's baby. For a moment, she wishes someone would have given her the chance to have had a loving sister. Like Elsa has Anna.

Too late.


	76. 410 - Shattered Sight

When the snow starts falling, she feels.

It's just a moment, but it's like a wave of – light, she doesn't know how else she could describe it. _Light_ , pouring in her soul. The corset is suddenly too tight, her sword drops to the floor, and she laughs.

It's pure relief – because she hasn't killed anyone, the Evil Queen theatricals have given Emma and Elsa enough time to break the spell before she could hurt Snow – or, the gods forbid, baby Neal.

It's relief, and she laughs, but the panic comes back – _Henry, and Emma, and Robin_ , she runs to them.


	77. 411 - Heroes And Villains

She goes back to the town line, that night.

She's the last to exit the Author's library, way after Emma has brought Henry home, and she finds herself yearning for that shot she has left on Granny's counter without drinking it.

She goes back to the town line, and the air is still and smells like trees, vibrates of the electricity of an incoming storm. But there's no wind, and the pieces are still there, on the ground.

Back home, while she fixes them with some tape, one single tear falls in the middle of the page.

 _I miss you._


	78. 412 - Darkness On The Edge Of Town

She reads the page Belle has translated, and hides a frown, taking a sip of root beer.

"Everything okay?" Emma asks, and she nods absently, reading it again. It seems to be simple, and yet, there's a strange feeling about it she can't shake. But still, she's a damn _hero_ now, so she leaves her chair, one last brush to Henry's book which now hides that blasted page, and follows the others.

It's nice, if she has to be honest. Having something to do, anything to keep her mind occupied.

It's supposed to be light magic, but there's _something_ there.


	79. 413 - Unforgiven

When Henry has found out about the Evil Queen, she remembers, she was nearly heart-broken. Because she wanted to protect him. Protect him from her darkness, her sins, her past.

Her sins seem to have come back, impersonated by Cruella and Ursula. She'll be reminded of who she was, every time she sees them. Because if they were the Queens of Darkness, she was the Empress.

Henry doesn't say anything that could upset her, but she feels shame, guilt and… sadness, because she may be missing Robin like hell, but these six weeks have been a quiet bliss…

Until now.


	80. 414 - Enter The Dragon

She thinks she's always been good at keeping secrets.

Her mother and the King loved to spy on her, and it wasn't easy to sneak out and meet Maleficent, but she did it anyway. She has lived in a secret for twenty-eight years. Even now, she looks at Emma and has to be quiet about Snow's past sins.

But Maleficent _knows_ her – if she senses that she's hiding something, there won't be forgiveness.  
Even after all their past caresses and unshed tears and affection, Mal always looks at her as if she's about to burn her alive or kiss her.


	81. 415 - Poor Unfortunate Soul

She wakes with a start, disoriented for a second, looks at her surroundings.

"If you're having trouble sleeping, I have something that might help."

Maleficent's voice is raspy, and throaty, as always, and she still has the dream in front of her, her skin seems to burn from the Evil Queen's fireball, and her heart beats fast, fast, in panic – she wonders if she's going mad, if this was a sign, or just a useless dream, if the danger is real – she hasn't gone out of here for hours – days?

Her voice is shaky – she answers.

"I'm fine, thank you."


	82. 416 - Best Laid Plans

When she enters the library, she can't help but being relieved. Henry is okay, he's awake, and she will protect him now that she's here, even if it means her cover will blow up.

"Henry Daniel Mills."

They made a pact, many years ago. _Full name, Henry, doesn't mean you're in trouble, it means it's absolutely important you listen to me not to get hurt, okay?_ And he nodded, with serious eyes and the glint of a smile.

So he gets it.

There's a connection – an instant, he _gets_ it. She has to hide a smirk of satisfaction from Maleficent.


	83. 417 - Heart Of Gold

"Marian?"

"Not exactly…"

 _Not exactly?_

"Hello, _sis_."

He blood freezes in her veins. _No_. She stumbles, she has to sit, this can't be, this must be another nightmare.

But Gold's face, serious as death, tells another story. He _knows_. He has always known.  
Her heart sinks, it falls at her feet and down in hell, because she's worried. _Worried_ doesn't even describe how she feels. Roland, sweet little Roland who has already lost his mother, and gone through two curses – with her crazy sister…

As always, _because of her_.

If something happens, because of her, she could never forgive herself.


	84. 418 - Sympathy For The De Vil

She scares her, this new Emma.

This Emma has red eyes, and her voice is deep and hurt. Gone are the bouncing blonde curls, the confidence. This Emma has a tormented gaze, and she sees herself in it.

This Emma hands her a gun. And she takes it, she doesn't argue.

This Emma walks through the woods, speaking of revenge, and of past crimes. And it must be hilarious, seeing the Evil Queen and Captain Hook – with plenty of blood on their hands – comfort the Savior, giving her hope speeches.

She's worried for Henry, for Robin, Roland.

And for Emma.


	85. 419 - Lily

She has never been here, in this particular building of New York City, but Emma clearly has, because she skims expertly through stairs and rooms to reach the door number 407. This was Neal's place, and although she's practically shivering of anticipation, she can see Emma isn't indifferent to the familiar location.

 _Rough day_ , she thinks. A car chase, a nearly attempted murder, Mal's call from Storybrooke… she'll need a coffee or, better, a strong drink, once she'll be sure they're all safe from Zelena.

She crosses the corridor, starting to pound the door.

Hurried steps, and… here it goes.


	86. 420 - Mother

_You're exactly like her._

The words Zelena spits out, they hurt. They sting. They burn like acid, like the potion she drank all those years ago, the potion that now grants her sister a kind of future she'll never have.

And Zelena _knows_ how to hurt her. Because she has _never_ wanted to be like her mother. Even at the apex of her madness and cruelty. And she has ended up like her, with boxes full of hearts and ready to hurt an innocent baby to give _herself_ her best chance.

What is she doing?

Sha has everything she needs.


	87. 421 - Operation Mongoose Part 1

She has always liked horses. She _misses_ horses. But since she's on the run from Snow White, she can't keep a horse with her, and she misses them even more.

That's why the ride towards safety, with the man who saved her from the Evil Queen, oh, the ride tastes like freedom, and fresh air, and joy.

She thinks of the boy, as the horse runs through the forest. How he's tried to give her hope – what a silly thing, there's no hope for her in this place, there's no love, only solitude.

And sometimes – today – a bit of luck.


	88. 422 - Operation Mongoose Part 2

She doesn't know why – or how she has run so fast – but she's there, in a few steps, and she slides easily between the boy who calls her _Mom_ , and the Light One's sword.

And he slices her stomach apart.

An old drunk in a pub told her, when you die, girl, you see life passing before you.

It's a lie. She only sees grey pain, steel and cold and ice. Feels the sharp smack of the floor and autumn leaves crushed by her fallen body.

 _His_ scream, and his hand under her hair.

The boy's tears.

Then, it's black.


	89. 501 - The Dark Swan

_She saved your life_.

 _She did it for you_.

Darkness screams, today.

Ever since she has woken up – no, who is she kidding, her _nightmares_ were full of darkness. The black vortex that has surrounded her has made things worse, fueled her already monstrous obscurity.

Emma had no clue of what she was about to do. And now it's all her fault, _she did it for you_ , Emma is lost to her parents again. And she _tries_ , all day. She avoids choosing between Robin and Emma, she gets her blanket, she tricks her sister.

 _It's all your fault_ , darkness says.


	90. 502 - The Price

When her heart flies like that, when she's _happy_ , the best part is she gets to be just herself. She can't help a smile, standing there, and looking down, and seeing her family – and seeing him.

She doesn't recall having been gazed with such intensity before.

And she thinks she'll have to get used to this, to _them_ , because despite all that she is, all the hidden dangers she carries – he _knows_ , he accepts, and he wouldn't change a thing of her.

So when she reaches him, and smiles, she sends a thought up.

 _Thank you for my second chance_.


	91. 503 - Siege Perilous

_I'll finally have someone to love me, and only me._

Her sister doesn't get it.

She sips her tea – strange herbs from this foreign land, herbs she doesn't know, but she trusts Robin's knowledge – and she recalls old times, when she adopted Henry, and thought the same.

And nearly killed him.

Emma has woken him up, for she is sure her own kiss wouldn't have worked, because she loved him, truly, completely, but maybe he didn't, _yet_. And it works, now, with Emma.

Her sister doesn't get it, _yet_.

She sighs, opening another book, to save her son's other mom.


	92. 504 - The Broken Kingdom

Worrying for the Charmings, here's a thing she never thought she would have done. And yet, here she is, pacing in her room, the sickening smell of those flowers is disgusting – she swears she's going to throw them out of the window soon.

Emma's dagger is well hidden – Emma, who has haunted eyes and a deathly-colored skin, all because of her…

"You're going to wear out the masonry if you keep pacing," Robin says, but she keeps going, lying straight to his face, _I'm not worried_ , thinking that if she repeats it again, she might even end up believing it.


	93. 505 - Dreamcatcher

It's always hard, when she sees Emma now.

In all the years she has known her, Emma has always been the embodiment of light and strength, she has admired her confidence, her way to navigate through the world. This new Emma, the Dark One, is black and white, is scary and she… can't read her anymore. Or understand her.

She is _done_ with Dark Ones trying to manipulate her, with plots and evil schemes that last decades.

Emma is a black swan, and she wonders if it's still possible to save her. Does she want to be saved, the Savior?


	94. 506 - The Bear And The Bow

He's so brave, her Henry.

She knows something about heartbreaks, about a mother who tries to destroy your happiness because she thinks to know what's best for you. She has had her fair dose of hearts ripped from her lover's chest, and at least Emma didn't kill Violet, who knows what has stopped her before murder…

Maybe a sprinkle of light, in all that darkness she carries? The darkness she has chosen to carry because of her?

Henry is suffering because of her, _again_.

She has spent the night studying that stupid mushroom. And yet, her guilt hasn't gone away.


	95. 507 - Nimue

The question is, if Zelena wasn't carrying an innocent child, she would have killed her?

She would have killed her sister, right there, in New York, for tricking two of the most important persons of her life?

Probably, no. Because _now she knows best_. Still, the fire comes so easily to the tips of her fingers. She stops in time, in the Round Table room, because she won't harm an innocent.

 _No more_.

Zelena is smiling, thinking she has won – her sister could have killed Mary Margaret, and they stayed alone for half an hour.

She holds the fire inside.


	96. 508 - Birth

When she sees her niece, she falls in love.

It takes an instant.

And nothing matters. It doesn't matter why that baby has been created, that she'll never be able to have _this_ , it doesn't matter she has hated her existence, that the darkness has screamed at her to end her little life – countless times. It doesn't matter, because wanting this beautiful little bundle of pink and white and softness away, wanting her _hurt_ , is something her brain can't even process right now.

Nothing matters but this instant.

She'll deal with the rest later. For now, she's just an aunt.


End file.
